Sex and Porn

Addiction

Sex & Porn Addiction

What is Sex Addiction?

Sexual addiction, also known as “sexual compulsion,” “hypersexuality,” and “hypersexual disorder,” is a dysfunctional preoccupation with sex, often involving the obsessive pursuit of non-intimate sexual encounters (affairs, casual sex, anonymous sex, prostitutes, pornography, compulsive masturbation, and the like). This pattern of urges, fantasies, and behaviors continues for a period of at least six months, despite the following:

  • Attempts made to self-correct the problematic sexual behavior

  • Promises made to self and others to change the sexual behavior

  • Significant, directly related negative life consequences such as relationship instability, emotional turmoil, physical health problems, career trouble, and legal issues

Sexuality should be an integral and balanced part of our life experience. However, when sex becomes all-consuming, or when we deprive ourselves of healthy sexual expression, our sexuality acts as a barrier filled with shame.  It isolates us from bonding with others.   Sexual addiction is characterized by out-of-control (compulsive) sexual behavior with marked consequences. Sex addicts use denial, rationalizing, minimizing, and lying to avoid the truth to themselves and to others.

They typically have difficulty with closeness in committed relationships and use their sexual addiction behavior to escape painful and stressful emotions. The sex addict typically cycles through an addictive cycle of preoccupation, ritualization, compulsive sexual behavior, and despair (shame).

Am I a Sex Addict?

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The following criteria are used to diagnose sexual addiction:

(Three or more indicate an addiction)

  • Recurrent failure to resist sexual impulses in order to engage in specific behaviors.
  • Frequently engaging in those behaviors to a greater extent, or over a longer period of time than intended.
  • Persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to stop, reduce, or control those behaviors.
  • Inordinate amounts of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual, or recovering from sexual experiences.
  • Preoccupation with sexual behavior or preparatory activities.
  • Frequently engaging in the behavior when expected to fulfill occupational, academic, domestic, or social obligations.
  • Continuation of the behavior despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent social, financial, psychological, or physical problem that is caused or exacerbated by the problem.
  • The need to increase the intensity, frequency, number, or risk level of behaviors in order to achieve the desired effect; or diminished effect with continued behaviors at the same level of intensity, frequency, number, or risk.
  • Giving up or limiting social, occupational, or recreational activities because of the behavior.
  • Distress, anxiety, restlessness, or irritability if unable to engage in the behavior.

Without treatment, overcoming sexual addiction can be very difficult.  Overcoming sexual addiction requires hard work and complete and total commitment to full recovery. In doing so, sexual addiction recovery becomes a life shift that opens up hope and the possibility for change.  Additionally, partners and spouses of sex addicts have specific consequences and require help as well.

What Sex Addiction is NOT

The diagnosis of sexual addiction is not necessarily made if an individual engages in fetishistic or paraphilic sexual arousal/behavior (such as cross-dressing, sadomasochism, etc.) Such behaviors may lead people to keep sexual secrets, to feel shame or distress, and even to feel out of control, but these activities are not considered sexual addiction, per se. Nor are unwanted same-sex attraction or bisexual arousal patterns/behavior. Sexual addiction is not in any way defined by what or who an individual finds arousing. Instead, it is defined by repetitive patterns of sexual behavior utilized to self-medicate and/or stabilize emotional distress. Sex addiction is also not automatically diagnosed in people who have active mania (due to bipolar or some other disorder) or in people who are actively abusing drugs or alcohol, as these other emotional and addictive challenges must first be ruled out.

How Much is Too Much?

The current psychological literature trends about “How much is too much” has evolved over the years. It is no longer acceptable to quantify (or put a number) on how many times a day is too much. Rather, we look at it from a quality of life lens; meaning that an 18-year-old can have sex or masturbate several times a day and still considered “okay”.  The problem, we believe, becomes a problem when the sexual acting out behavior negatively affects other areas of life. For example, having unprotected sex with many anonymous partners and thereby putting oneself at risk to contracting STDs or HIV; masturbating to the point of injury; missing school or work because he or she is busy engaging in or recovering from the sexual activity; continues behavior despite consequences (loss of job, legal problems, broken relationships, etc) is what constitutes a problem.

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Porn Addiction

Porn Addiction

Compulsive pornography use can produce significant consequences for both the viewer as well as the spouse or partner who may experience it as a betrayal of the implicit or explicit commitment of fidelity in the relationship.

When cybersex is involved, the pornography use can escalate very rapidly with new sources of arousal occurring and becoming fixated very quickly. The viewer may discover being “hooked” by images never imaginable before. At this stage, sex addiction treatment is highly recommended.

Cybersex is a growing problem which is even causing those who have never had problematic sexual behavior to enter the world of sex addiction. Cybersex is referred to as the “crack cocaine” of sex addiction. Increasingly, people’s online sexual behavior is negatively affecting their daily lives . This is especially true when viewing porn images. We are finding more and more individuals porn addicted who do not have a complex sex addiction history. For men, three things drive addiction to porn more than anything else: 1) Visual stimulation; 2) The need to relax, feel pleasure, and escape; and 3) Addictive Aspects of Pornography.

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There are specific patterns noted in people abusing online sex:

  • Rapid escalation of amount and variety of online sex use.
  • Escalation then moves on to obsessional, new behaviors.
  • Relational regression occurs, in which the user loses interest in sex with his/her partner.
  • Internet sexual behavior accelerates existing addictive behavior and/or precipitates new compulsive off-line behavior.

The following are 10 criterion of problem online behavior:

  • Frequently engaging in sex online more often or for longer periods of time than intended.
  • Repeated unsuccessful efforts to control, cut back on, or stop engaging in sex online.
  • Restlessness or irritability when attempting to limit or stop engaging in sex online.
  • Using sex online as a way of escaping from problems or to relieve feelings such as helplessness, guilt, anxiety or depression.
  • Returning to sex online in hopes of a more intense or higher risk sex experience.
  • Lying to family members, therapists, or others about online sex activity.
  • Committing illegal acts online. (Sending or downloading child pornography or soliciting sex acts, for example)
  • Jeopardizing or losing a significant relationship, job, or educational or career opportunity because of online sexual behavior.
  • Incurring significant financial consequences as a result of engaging in online sexual behavior.
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